An Encounter with... May 13

Photo of burnt Chinese/Malay Kampung off Hale Road
taken on the 14th May 1969 by Hassan Muthalib

Name    : Aunty May (sorry, I’d rather not have my photo taken for this…)

Age        : 50+

Where Are You From?   : Kuala Lumpur

Currently Residing In…   : Kuala Lumpur

What Do You Do For A Living?     : A retiree

AEW      : Aunty May, I know this is a pretty sensitive topic to broach. But I would like for you to share some first-hand experience and your thoughts about May 13 as you know it from your point-of-view. Where were you on that tragic day of Malaysian history?

AM         : I was at home and home is very near Chow Kit Market.  I was in Form 4 then, studying for my exams. My father was at work and I was with my expectant mother, brother and grandmother. I still remember that it was a very hot day.  

AEW      : Were you scared?       

AM         : Very scared. I was staying at the ground floor of a 3-storey flat and most of our neighbours gathered in our unit because we had a back exit.

AEW      : What actually happened? You have to understand for youngsters like us, we can only know what we read or hear. And there seems to be plenty of versions of this history.     

AM         : Politically, I do not know. You are right. There are so many versions of history today. Whether it was the Chinese party, or the UMNO party, who knows? I was only a young girl then, studying very hard to maintain my grades! I didn’t care about politics! Anyway, on that horrible day, I remember someone ran home screaming that there was a riot at Jalan Chow Kit. Thick smoke could be seen from where we stayed because I believe many vehicles were burnt. In fact, the factory owner near our home had most of his lorries burnt down too. Then there were men, both young and old going out to fight the rioters, to protect the neighbours. I cannot believe I am saying this, but the Chinese triads of the Chow Kit area, the gangsters became our overnight heroes because they went all out to protect us, taking us to another area for safety and really took care of us. Looking back, they had no reasons to do so. After all, what is there for them to gain? I’m just sorry that I cannot even remember a single one of them. Anyway, we had to escape in the darkness with their help. We were told that there was a lot of bloodshed and lots of people were dead. Fortunately, I did not see the dead. We only saw injured men returning to the area to seek help.

AEW      : So what took place when Emergency was declared? What did you do in particular?   

AM         : Our whole group from the Chow Kit Market area was led to the shop houses behind the then International Textile shop to take refuge. We had to stay locked indoors. But the gangsters, I keep calling them gangsters, but there is no other way for me to describe them! I don’t even know their names! The gangsters, they looted food ration and medicine from the markets and other shops to feed us and also to take care of the injured. They risked their lives for us. Sometimes, it is during times of adversity that we see true human character. They may be bad hats during normal times, but truth was, when the push came to shove, their hearts were made of gold. I still do not know what was there to gain for them.  For me, I was just too scared to do anything. Just follow instructions! I did help cook. Our main meals then were home-made Pan Mee in plain soup because the gangsters, they managed to get lots of flours!

AEW      : Were you angry that something like that happened or were you more impartial? That – as long as you were not affected, it was fine?      

AM         : I was very scared and worried about my father‘s safety. We had lost contact with him for 10 days because of the lockdown and curfew. When the curfew was lifted, he went to many hospitals with my uncle to look for us. I am thankful that nothing untoward happened to my parents and my brother and my unborn sister. Of course I was very angry. I wished this riot didn’t happen at all. The feelings and emotions then were so overwhelming that it was all a jumbled turmoil. But definitely I remember being angry that this should take place. Of course, I was living in great fear then. The 10 days were one of the most frightening experiences I ever had. I saw something that I can never erase from my memory and that is the faces of deranged-looking men with parangs and all looking for blood. Then, of course, there is gratitude. That my family is safe. That these no-name Chinese gangsters were protecting us and looking after us. Not blowing cat-whistles at the young girls. *smile*

AEW        : Malaysia is pretty peaceful right now, don’t you think? I believe that racial tolerance and understanding is in abundance in the multi-cultural vista of Malaysia. Do you believe the same?     

AM         : Yes, it is pretty peaceful now. And we have all come a long way from that horrible incident. But if you asked me, honestly, the incident has left a crack in our country’s unity. Those like me who have gone through the dark shadows are still skeptical of the friendship and sincerity of the other races. We’ve lost trust. For those who had suffered have forgiven but not forgotten. Now, do you understand why I do not wish to have my photo taken for this?

AEW        : Do you think any country, Malaysia or otherwise should be ruled racially?       

AM         : A country should belong to all, not one particular race.

AEW      : So how do you think Malaysia will fare in the future if racial-divide ruling is gotten rid of?    

AM         : If racial divide ruling is gotten rid of, the country will achieve more progress because each citizen who are treated fairly would want to be very, very loyal to the country he/she loves. Don’t you think so? I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not particularly patriotic. But at the end of the day, I am thankful that I had led a blessed life.

AEW      : Aunty May, I’m not sure I am very patriotic myself, despite being born on Merdeka Day! And I’m sure quite a number of others share the same ‘patriotism’. Nevertheless, thank you for sharing your experience and story. If I could track down one of those Chinese gangster, I would love to do a story on him. Well, we all can only hope for Malaysia to progress and mature.

An Encounter with... An Ex-Communist

Name    : Loh Weng

Age        : 70+

Where Are You From?   : Malaysia

Currently Residing In…   : Tanjung Tualang, Perak, Malaysia

What Do You Do For A Living?     : Not working now. Looking after grandchildren.

AEW      : Hello Uncle. Thank you for being willing to participate in this interview. This is a difficult and long-forgotten topic. But I would like to know about your time with the Communist Party of Malaya. Do you remember when you joined the CPM?

LW          : During the Japanese Occupation of then Malaya.

AEW      : What motivated you to join the CPM then?      

LW          : We were anti-Japanese  soldiers and that was what the CPM was fighting against then.

AEW      : Do tell me, what was your actual involvement as a member of the party?    

LW          : To fight against the Japanese soldiers and to ensure the safety of the people. After the Japanese Occupation ended, we were fighting the British instead to gain independence for Malaya. It was funny, because I think when we fought the Japanese, we were fighting together with the British.

AEW      : What was the toughest period you had to go through during the war against communism in then Malaya?  

LW          : It was tough when we had to hide and live in the jungle and all the while, knowing that the that the Special Branch police (the “eyes and ears” of the then government) were harassing members of my family.

AEW      : Were your family involved with the CPM too or was it just you?     

LW          : Only me and one of my brothers.

AEW        : Was it difficult to assimilate back to normal livelihood after the CPM days were over?    

LW          : No. When we gave up, we were given a chance to undergo an assimilation course to readjust back to society and back to our lives.

AEW        : Do you regret that this was part of your life’s history?      

LW          : No. We were fighting for a cause then and if we turned back time, I would still do it again.

AEW      : What are your hopes for Malaysia now?    

LW          : A country whereby there is fairness for everyone.

AEW      : Thank you for your time, Uncle! It was insightful and yes, we all have the same hopes for Malaysia too!

           For those who wish to read up on the CPM's point-of-view on history - AEW recommends reading Chin Peng : My Side Of History.

An Encounter with... An Accidental Hero

Name    : Immi

Age        : 34+

Where Are You From?   : Sri Lanka

Currently Residing In…   : Cambodia

What Do You Do For A Living?     : Running an Event management Company in Cambodia

AEW   : Hi Imran. I hope you are feeling good today and definitely thank you for spending some time on this. I know this is probably a difficult topic for your to speak about. I understand you were one of the first at the scene of the Cambodian stampede which took place recently during the last day of the Water Festival celebrations. What were you doing there?     

IM      :   Sad to see it and I was doing an event just by the bridge at that time.

AEW   : Can you describe what the situation was like exactly?

IM      :   I think it was not so properly organized by both the government authorities as well as Diamond Island. It all started off with a panicked rumor saying that the bridge was going to collapse. I even received a phone call from my wife saying the same thing. And I was just there witnessing it with my team when it happened. Good thing we had a PA system and we managed to use that to clear and prevent people from entering the bridge. But it was really chaos unfolding before my very eyes.

AEW   : What was your first immediate reaction?   

IM      :   My team and I managed to rescue people who were injured as well as move a few dead bodies out of the way before the police and medics turned up after nearly 2 hours. I also quickly organized bottled water supply for the victims who were still trapped.  

AEW    : What was it really like, being right there in the heart of the tragedy? Surrounded by such chaos and mayhem?            

IM      :   Feeling shitty and useless, seeing all those people crying for help. I was wondering too at that time – about how poorly this was organized. This wasn’t the first time for Water Fest and surely the crowd was to be anticipated. Unfortunately…..

AEW   : Carrying the… dead bodies. Was it awful or were you just focused on getting it done?      

IM      : I just got there and do whatever I could.  So yea, I was pretty focused on getting it done.

AEW   : Were you in any way traumatized by the tragedy? Being so close to it, helping the victims, the survivors… were you affected psychologically? Has it changed your perspective about life in any way?      

IM      : Yes… after the incident, I needed a break badly, just to clear what was on my mind. I left Phnom Penh for a couple of days. But coming back after a couple of days, and seeing the bridge re-opened to the public and the fairy lights turned on fully, I felt really shitty about it. To me, the bridge should be closed and dedicated to the dead to show some respect! But that’s just me.  

AEW   : So do you consider yourself a hero, by accident for being at the wrong place, at the wrong time?        

IM      :   *Laughs* It was actually my tenth year anniversary in Cambodia on the tragic day and it felt great in a way to be able to lend a helping hand to the Cambodians. I got many blessings from those people and a few managed to thank me even. I guess in a way, it was an apt ear-mark for 10^th year in Cambodia. So I am happy about it.

AEW   : You know, I think such tragedies, though unexpected and definitely unplanned for can be avoided. Seeing you are from the event management line, what is your advice to organizers of events which will be garnering in large crowds?      

IM      :   More security personnel to do crowd control and management. Just imagine, 3 million people in Phnom Penh during the festival – and all centered at the riverside. I guess for the public – either avoid these crowded areas or else, practice being civic-minded!

AEW  :   Well, Imran, thank you for sharing your experience. It has indeed been a tragic affair and I hope the relevant people would use this as a learning curve. As for you, I would also like to say Thank You. A good samaritan is rather rare these days.

An Encounter with... Death

Name    : Salina binti Abd Aziz

Age        :  38

Where Are You From?   : Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Currently Residing In…   : Kuala Lumpur

What Do You Do For A Living?     : I am a PR Consultant

AEW      : I heard your Mom passed away recently. I’m truly sorry to hear that. How are you holding up?

SAA        : Thank you. I’d like to think I’m holding up well. Being busy at work currently helps.

AEW      : Are you missing her? What about the rest of your family? How are they doing?  

SAA        : Would you think I’m terrible if I told you I’m not missing her? Though I know I’m going to feel it  keenly one day. It’ll be like a guerilla attack because when it happens, it will be so unexpected.  Something like that did happen to me very recently. I dreamt of my mom one night, two months after her passing and throughout the next day, I was crying buckets. I cried at home, on the road and at the same time, stave the memories off as there are people about and I had to focus on the job at hand. It was a difficult, sad day. I think of her everyday…I remember her last days and that grips me.

  As for the rest of the family, they are holding up well..or rather, as well as they can handle it. We   don’t refrain from talking about our mom and recall the things she did and said.

AEW      : I don’t handle bad news about death very well. As in if a friend breaks the news to me, I would actually be lost for words. Because how do you comfort someone who had just lost a loved one, right? Do you think people who handle these situations badly are,… hmm.. morons?

SAA       : No, of course not! Come to think of it, how would you describe badly? Being absolutely  insensitive? Not saying the right words but knowing the intent is genuine?

AEW       : I guess more of not saying the right words, but the intent is genuine. And I suppose moronic are those who are absolutely insensitive, yes? Given the same situation – reversed – how would YOU handle a friend’s bad news related to death?

SAA        : I’d gently tell the friend that it is some comfort that the person who passed on has gone back to God. Death is, after all, a sure thing in life. And give the person a long hug. No point in telling a friend to be strong, but you can remind them to keep the good memories alive and grieve for a little while.

AEW      : I know death in any possible way is hard to deal with. But which do you think is harder to face? Sudden or Anticipated?  

SAA        : Definitely the sudden ones. It rips you apart worse.

AEW      : Actually, I should ask you – what are your thoughts about death itself?   

SAA       : I think it’s a continuation to the next step. That death itself is an experience a living person will go through and now you have shed the shell, there are no more barriers.

AEW      : Do you think you are a strong person? In handling you know, the emotional aspect of losing a loved one? How do you think each individual could survive such situations?

SAA        : I don’t know if I am. There are the normal days and there are days that the tears just keep making tracks. I take it all as part of living and just go with the flow. We feel different emotions everyday on different things, don't we? Anyway, I can’t speak for individuals on how they would survive the emotional aspects of facing death. It would be a great disservice.

AEW      : How would you like to die?  

SAA        : In my sleep.

AEW      : Don't we all :) Thanks, Sal for doing this. I know it is a difficult topic. And because I am bad with the right words, here's a long hug.... :)

An Encounter with... Christianity

Name    : Alex Foo

Age        : 34

Where Are You From?  : KL

Currently Residing In… :  KL

What Do You Do For A Living?   : I work in the the oil & gas industry

AEW      : You are a Christian. What are your first thoughts when I say that to you?   

AF        : Yup I am a Christian!

AEW      : Do you think you are a religiously “rich”? (You may interpret this any way you wish) And how important is religion to you?

AF        : Not rich… Christianity is not so much of a religion as I view it as a relationship with a good friend.

AEW      : What is the basic foundation of Christianty in which you would hope for the world to know?  

AF        : The Lord is our savior

AEW       : How has your religion inspired you in your life?   

AF        : Uncountable times - especially whenever I feel 'lost'.

AEW      : I often get the feeling that there are some who keep trying to “convert” others to follow the “words of God”. Do you think that might be rather insensitive or to a certain extend, disrespectful in any ways at all?    

AF        : Well, being too pushy is not good. But spreading the word and sharing testimonies are good. Don’t think Christians should force others to be Christians though.

AEW      : I do certainly understand that there is a need to spread the knowledge of Christianity around. But shouldn’t it be enough that people know about it or it should get to a point of converting?

AF        : Yes, there should be more sharing of the word and wonders of the Lord. It's not about getting the point or not. It's about sharing the love of the Lord with others so that they can experience it for themselves.

AEW      : Do you try your best to spread the “words of God” to others?

AF        : I do what I can.

AEW      : While spreading the correct views on Christianity, what are your thoughts about other
  religions?    

AF        : Depending on which religion. While other religions all have their good points, they do not offer promised salvation. So for those who knowingly reject it, all I can do is feel sad for them.

AEW     : Don't feel sad for me. I'm good :) Thanks for your time and your sharing. Appreciate  that!

An Encounter with... A Pink Wedding

Name    : Nicole Liemphetcharat

Age        : 36

Where Are You From?  : Singapore

Currently Residing In… : Phnom Penh, Cambodia

What Do You Do For A Living?   : A bunch of different things but primarily, I run my own consultancy firm and provide global support for an international moving company. I also help develop businesses for our pastry business in Cambodia.

AEW      : When did you meet your other half?

NL        : In 1998 but the attraction really only happened in 2002.

AEW      : Who “courted” whom?  

NL        : There was no real courtship as we were already good friends for almost 4 years. We were spending a lot of time together and out of the blue, this door opened and we walked right in.

AEW      : Legal rights of marriage is still being debated in many parts of the world, especially Asia – what made it important to the two of you to get married?  

NL        : We wanted to get married a few months into the relationship as we were a great fit together. However, we’re both very rational and decided that the smart thing would be to live together and wait a few years. Three years later, she proposed and I said yes. We wanted to take the relationship further and it felt absolutely right.
We were living in Singapore at that time and got married in Toronto, Canada. I had spent six years living there before so it was like a second home. Getting married was never about spousal benefits or any legal implications as we were still living in Asia. Getting married was about us celebrating the absolute certainty of sharing our lives together in the presence of our family and friends.

AEW      : Is there any particular significance to a gay marriage? I’m comparing this to a normal one.  

NL        : No. Marriage, straight or gay, is about two people committing themselves to each other. It’s about promise of strength and support to ride the roller coaster of life together as a couple. It makes no difference whether you’re straight or gay!
Gay marriages are susceptible to the same joys and problems of straight marriages. Financial issues, children, family, infidelity, career, compromises and everything that comes with being married affect both groups the same way. 

AEW      : I’ve watched ‘The L Word’. Not sure if you have. But do you think commercial Hollywood has warped the general public’s (re : non-gay community) view on this whole gay thing or has it actually made it easier for people to “come out”?

NL        : In my opinion, “The L Word” does not give an accurate portrayal of gay women. There are probably women who live that lifestyle but what we see on the show seems closer to male gay culture than the general lesbian culture.
Hollywood in general has helped raise awareness, tolerance and acceptance of gay people, making it a little easier for gay people to come out. Gay people are now portrayed as the girl or guy next door with real lives, careers and responsibilities. Through Hollywood, gay people are no longer merely seen as sexual deviants.
However, the reality is that sex sells and so gay-centered and/or gay-friendly shows such-as “The L Word” will continue to “expose” the gay sex life, however accurate or inaccurate it may be. This could negatively affect how the general public view gay people and bring us back to being sexual deviants.
The effects of depicting straight people sleeping around on shows are different from watching gay people sleeping around. Sure, most of society frowns on watching this sort of free sexual behavior amongst straight people but when seen in gay people, it’s easy to fall back on the old notion of social and sexual deviance.

AEW      : I’m actually very interested to know about family support from both your side as well as your other half’s. Were they supportive or did they threaten to disown you guys?

NL        : Coming out was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I’ve been gay since I was a teenager but only got comfortable with it when I was in my early twenties. I just never thought I’d come out to my family as my parents are fairly conservative. My brother has known for years and has always been supportive.
I decided to come out to my parents after we decided to get married. Getting married is one of the most important steps in my life and my parents have always been there for me so I wanted them to share this moment.
After breaking the news, my Mom’s heart was broken and there were lots of tears and questions as to how this could happen to me. The next 5 months were very difficult for my Mom and I. Eventually, she came around, accepted it and attended our Singapore reception. My brother broke the news to me and it was one of the happiest days of my life!
My Dad’s reaction caught me a little off guard. Growing up, my Dad was always the more liberal parent so I thought he’d accept it. When the time came, my Dad was clearly upset but maintained his composure and was rational as always. He just said that he was not thrilled at the idea but he’s not going to try to stop me as it’ll get us nowhere. So, I will do what I choose to do and we are to keep him out of it. Additionally, he asked that I not announce the news to my uncles and aunties.
It was about six months afterwards before Leigh Ann and I went to my parents’ house together again but when she finally did visit, both my parents were civil and polite to her. Now, years later,  everything’s pretty much back to normal and we stay at my parents’ house when we are back in Singapore. Mom’s visited us everywhere we’ve lived and vacations with us whenever possible.

Leigh Ann’s family is a lot more liberal….they’re Americans! Her Dad attended our wedding in Toronto. When I first met her family in Hawaii during her mother’s funeral about 4 years ago, they all welcomed me with open arms and instantly treated me like family. When we moved to Hawaii in 2007, we lived upstairs from her brother and his family. Her family made living in Hawaii very memorable for me.  

AEW      : Had you not been given the blessings from your family – would you have carried on with the wedding?  

NL        : Absolutely! When we decided to get married, I knew my parents would not be jumping for joy but it was something I wanted to do, something I was absolutely certain of. At that time, I wished my parents would be supportive but I also understood how difficult it was for them. It would have been great to have them both at the wedding but I was going to take that step with or without their support. The marriage is between the two of us so the only reason not to get married would be if we didn’t feel like it would work out between us.

AEW      : Do you actually have some sort of hope for the future of ‘pink weddings’ for other gay  couples?

NL        : No, not really. I am grateful that the Gay Movement has given us the right to get married legally. However, marriage is marriage, straight or gay. Marriage is not for everyone so it should only be undertaken with absolute certainty. Do I hope to see gay marriages legalized in Asia? Certainly. But I won't hold my breath!

AEW     : Thank you, Nicole! That was very insightful indeed! Here's to happy marriages - straight or gay :)